I Gotta Feeling...

Every day, Monday thru Friday, I hop in the car at the same time, turn on Track 5 on the new Black Eyed Peas CD, and pump myself up for another trip to the hospital for my daily dose of radiation. I Gotta Feeling. It's a fun song that puts me in a good mood, and it puts a smile on my face.

Saying "the hospital" over and over again sounds draining, so I have dubbed it "Radiation World" (RW for short). Sort of like the sister of "Cancer World" or CW, the pet name I have for my oncologist's office. I work in IT, so having lots of acronyms is how I roll. So far I have XRT, RW and CW. I'm sure there will be more by the time it's all said and done.

Today I finished my 9th dose of radiation (there will be 33-37 total). Most days, I just hop off the elevator, they call me back right away, and I'm in and out in fifteen minutes. The last two days they have been delayed and I have had to sit in the waiting room for twenty minutes. To me, sitting in the waiting room of RW is sometimes worse than the actual treatment. Being surrounded by cancer material, cancer pictures, and signs about "life with cancer" is more than I can take for too long. And, to be honest, it's occasionally difficult to be surrounded by sometimes very sick cancer patients. I don't look sick, I don't feel sick, I don't act sick, yet we all have the "same" disease. I give them a lot of credit because they are much braver than I was -- I never went out in public with an exposed fuzzy bald head. When I see that, it just reminds me of what I will have to face in a few short months when I go through chemo again. I really can't imagine that just yet, so I just keep my head buried in magazines such as "Woman's Day" and "Men's Health" and hope the time flies by so that I can get XRT and get outta there. It's my happy little world of denial, and of living for the moment and not fearing the future.

I meet weekly with my Radiation Oncologist, and today we had a nice visit. I really like her a lot...she's smart, honest, and has a great sense of humor. She's another one of my doctors that I not only trust with my life, but enjoy as a person. So far she is pleased with how my skin looks. And I'm nearly a third of the way through the treatments. I told her about my waiting room anxiety and she said, "Well, that's not you so just enjoy your health and read a good book."

I also spoke with my Medical Oncologist this morning on the phone. We had a conversation about my second opinion, and she will continue to research and review my chemo cocktail alternatives. In the mean time, I am not going to think about chemo...I'm not going to research chemo. I am going to cancel my daily appointment with Dr. Google and let the experts agree on the best protocol for me. When I have something to worry about or think about, I will. In the mean time, I am feeling great, and life is going along pretty normal. The kids are having a fun summer, and are sad to see it come to an end. It's been a great summer for us all (well, despite the whole cancer recurrence) and we are looking forward to an action packed fall filled with school, football, vacations, and healing.

Tonight my husband and I are heading out for a fun date on the town to take advantage of Restaurant Week here in DC. We have reservations at a wonderful restaurant we've been wanting to try, and my sister has offered to come hang with the kiddos.

I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night...