Fight On, Again...

Life is going along well, and we have enjoyed a fun, busy summer with the kids, our family, and friends. To be honest, I have not been thinking too much about the Big C. I will have plenty of time to think about that when chemo starts sometime in October. Call it denial, but for now I choose happiness over worry. I choose to live for the moment and not fear the future. It's a lot more fun!

Now, here's the real question...are you ready for some football?!

Today is one of my husband's most favorite days of the year. Yes, college football season is officially underway. The new USC Trojans flag is hanging outside our home, my husband and kids are decked out in their jerseys, and even I have my Trojans flair on. Last year on this big weekend, I had just completed my first chemo, and my husband was in Charlottesville at the big game with his fellow BFFs that share in his love for Trojan football. That seems like forever ago -- so much has happened in the last year.

Once again, it's time to Fight On.

I am nearing halftime with my XRT treatments. I have completed 14 radiation treatments out of 33-37 total I will have had when it's all said and done. So far, it's going fine. My skin is holding up well...I don't really notice any burning or significant changes. Two to three times a day I slab Weleda Baby Calendula lotion (that I picked up at Whole Foods) all over my chest, and that seems to be working well so far. Aside from skin changes, the biggest side effect from XRT is fatigue. At the beginning, my doctor said that any exercise I can do will help alleviate the fatigue. So, each day I do my best to work out. Some days it's as little as a 30 minute walk, and others it's a full blown 1.5 hour workout at the gym. But I do something every day. With that, the fatigue is minimal so far. All in all, so far, the radiation is going well.

When I first started my daily jaunts to RW for daily doses of XRT, I was anxious and, to be honest, a little bitchy. As the days pass, I have softened, and my beaming smile seems to emerge. Every day I am in the same room, and I have 2 of the same 3 male techs treat me. In the beginning, I joked with my guys, "I'm only going to be here for six weeks, so I don't want to get attached to you." Now, I feel very comfortable with them, and every day they don't know which "me" they will get. Why can't I just be a quiet in-and-out patient? Every day I arrive at RW in a different mood. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they blush, sometimes they roll their eyes, and every day they are very compassionate.

It's not often that I have 15 minutes where I have to lay down and be still. From the moment I lay down on that table, I close my eyes. They have music that plays in the room and my mind tends to drift to wherever the song takes me. One day, as I closed my eyes and listened to the Reggae music, I dreamed of my husband and I resting on a hammock under a pallapa in the Caribbean, watching our two kids play on a white sand beach with the turquoise ocean as the backdrop. Another day, I was listening to old Michael Jackson songs, and was remembering the good old days of the 80s, and laughed at the fact that I am still friends with those same ladies 25 years later! And then, on Thursday, I heard a song that was very special to me during my treatments last year. As I laid there with my eyes closed, tears started streaming down my face in a furious river, and my heart started to race. It was quite uncontrollable and one of those moments where you just can't make it stop. I had to lay there, still. I could not wipe the tears. I could not grab a tissue. I could not excuse myself or take a break. I just kept my eyes closed and appreciated it as a moment of release. It was during those moments that I felt a hand on my shoulder, and my guys said, "Sweetie, you are going to be OK." In that moment, I think it became evident that that while I can be bitchy, quiet, strong, sweet, funny, impatient, nice, sarcastic, etc., when it comes right down to it, I'm a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, woman who is fighting for the life that she loves more than anything with all that she has. And yes, I'm going to be more than OK. I'm going to be great.

On Friday morning, I made a quick stop at the bakery and picked up a dozen freshly baked donuts to bring to my RW guys. "Good morning, fellas. Here are some donuts for you, now can you pretend I didn't lose it yesterday?" They just smiled. And then one informed me that he was fasting during Ramadan. "Oh no! How are you going to stare at this chocolate donut with sprinkles all day long?" He said, "It's all in your mind, and if you have a strong mind, you can do anything." Hmmm, he's on to something. Then he smiled and said, "I'll take that home with me and eat it at sundown." I smiled.

The beast has no chance. I will "Fight On." And I'm a Hokie, and like all those who love Virginia Tech, I will prevail, and be stronger than ever.

Off I go to enjoy a family day of football!

Go Trojans! Go Hokies!