Bring It...

Another week has flown by with little thought of cancer. The giant elephant has been tucked away, overshadowed by laughter and denial that November 2 is fast approaching. For those that know me, it has been obvious that something is on the horizon. All of the closets in the house have been organized to the tee, there are new touches and accessories around the house. Not to mention, some delicious bottles of wine now lay empty in the recycling bin outside. :-)

Thursday was a day of mourning as we drove up to Maryland to pay respects to our dear friend's father who recently passed away. It was a sad day but also a day where a man who made such a difference in so many lives was celebrated. Funerals are a reminder that every day is an opportunity to make a difference. Every day is part of your legacy. And that life is short no matter how many years you are blessed to have on Earth, so live well, work hard, have fun, cherish your friends, and, above all, love your family.

We took the kids out for dinner that night and enjoyed some good family time. We continue to talk with them at a high level about what's about to take place, and they seem fully aware but unphased by the upcoming treatments and hair loss. They are very loved and grounded. Afterall, it's the second time around for them too, so they are pretty seasoned at this as well.

My husband and I enjoyed a nice date night on Friday night, followed by a Halloween party. Everyone had great costumes, and I just chuckled as the wigs itched the heads of my friends in disguise. I did not have it in me to dress up in a costume. I feel like the last year I've been in a costume, and I have a feeling it will be a while, if ever, that I put a wig on for fun.

Halloween night was a lot of fun. We are blessed to live in a small but fun neighborhood with many young kids and fun parents. My little Pirate Girl and Captain Rex followed friends in the neighborhood parade, and then off they went trick-or-treating. Needless to say our house is overflowing with candy. I need to find a good place to donate the candy to.

Yesterday evening, the text messages, emails and phone calls started pouring in. I can't begin to tell you how that uplifted me. Even without talking about it much, my loved ones knew what was on the horizon. As I looked on my calendar, I saw "November 2: Chemo. Location: CW" staring back at me, and the voice in my head kept saying, "that's tomorrow." Somehow it just doesn't seem real. My scar from my July surgery is nearly invisible. The burns from the 35 radiation sessions have healed. My port is in place, and is very inconspicuous. I have my energy back, and feel stronger than ever. My crazy hair can fit in to a 1 inch ponystump. I know in my heart I'm cancer free. We've been traveling and playing and working and enjoying life. Yet today, they will pump "The Red Devil" chemotherapy in to my veins. The minute the first red drop enters my vein, the hourglass flips, and the first grain of sand begins to fall. I can deal with fatigue and nausea. Go ahead, hit me by a truck. Throw the kitchen sink at me. But my hair? Ugh, my hair. I spent the first 35 years with pretty amazing hair, and just now as it's growing back, I'll have to shave it. Again. Really? I appreciate it when people admire my short locks, but unless you shave your head you have no idea how it feels. The good/bad news is I now have many young, beautiful survivor friends who have done the deed, and now they are more beautiful than ever from the inside out.

After our family Sunday dinner last night, my son went to my mom's for a little slumber party.Today is a teacher work day, and I was not sure I'd be able to hug my mom before I left for chemo. Last year, hugging her before I left for my first treatment was by far one of the most emotional mornings. So I figured it be best if I let them go off and have some fun, and avoid some tears this morning. It was tough to say good-bye to my husband who just left on a plane for a work trip for the next 3 days. I know it's hard for him to be away for this first round.

Now, as I enjoy this quiet morning snuggled in bed with my 4 year old, Cookie, I am reminded that I can have the strength to do this all...again. My family means the world to me and I would fight the biggest dragon with my bare hands to get rid of this beast once and for all. This is all bigger than me, so once again I turn to God, and dig deep to find faith in His divine plan. I'm not sure why this is happening to me, again, but I have to believe that there is a great purpose, and I have to be confident in that. I know I have a long life ahead of me, and once again believe with all my heart that this is not my story, just a chapter somewhere in the middle. Life is not about hair or beauty. It's about living well, giving back, working hard, having fun, cherishing your friends, and, above all, loving your family.

We can do this. Time to face the reality. Satchel will be here shortly to make sure I actually get off the elevator on the 4th floor of CW. If anything, I'll look forward to some kind of antics, laughter, and a shuffle-tap-step in the infusion ward. Are they ready for us?

Today I'm borrowing a quote from Mother Teresa...

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

And, despite a date with The Red Devil, today IS a great day. I got to kiss my loved ones, and it's one day closer to putting this CRAP behind us one and for all.

Thanks to all of you for loving me so. We can do this...