When my oncologist said that they were going to throw the kitchen sink at me, I braced myself and knew I could handle whatever they threw my way. If I have to go through the mental and physical transformations of chemo, better make it strong and kick this cancer once and for all.
Whoa. So this is what the kitchen sink feels like? YIKES! Perhaps my mind has erased the six chemo treatments from less than a year ago. And I believe this too shall pass. But man, you know something is wrong when all I want to do is lay in my bed in a quiet, dark house. The only way I can begin to describe how I feel is this...take your worst day of first trimester morning sickness, add your worst hangover ever, suck on a rusty nickel and multiply that by ten...at least.
I know in a few days I'll be back on my feet and feeling like me again. Or at least that is the pep talk I keep telling myself. For the first time, I'm letting people help me and I'm not trying to be superwoman. My friends and family have gone overboard, and for that I am grateful.
Tonight I'm using this blog as an outreach. Many of you will no doubt be checking here tonight in hopes of finding an update. I just want you to know that I have read all of your emails, text messages and notes, and I have listened to all of your voice mails. And I am truly grateful and feel very loved and taken care of. I apologize if I have not yet responded -- it's just that I'm truly trying to rest so the little energy I have I can use for reading a story to my kids, helping with homework, and tucking them in. As soon as the fog lifts, hopefully in a day or so, I'll be back in touch. Thank you all for making me feel so loved and cared for. For those of you who have taken time out of your busy lives to help make my days a little easier, thank you. I have the best friends and the most amazing family a girl could possibly ask for.
I feel like crap, I feel like saying F You Cancer, and am just now realizing that denial is over, reality has set in, and this is all really happening again. But you know what? I just got to carry my two beautiful, healthy kids upstairs, say their bedtime prayers, kiss their smiling faces and tuck them in to bed. And that is what makes today...a Great Day.
I danced with the "red devil" last fall. You may find out that all you can do with your children is sleep while they lay next to you, but they will understand and know that they are loved as are you.
ReplyDeleteHey girlie...I have been thinking about you this week and know you are strong as ever!! You will make it through this fog even stronger in the end. Rest up this weekend and dont be superwoman yet. Talk soon.
ReplyDeleteMelissa