I am starting week 3, and have a renewed energy despite a twinge of funk that is still lingering. Mind over matter seems to help with that, coupled with a good night's sleep (finally!) I am still shocked that it has been over two weeks since I've had a latte. This, from a woman who had a daily Starbucks ritual. Even with just one chemo treatment under my belt, I have had a drastic change in my taste buds. Perhaps it's the 100 Dum Dum lollipops I've sucked on to hide the metallic taste in my mouth and alleviate my nighttime cough. But I find it so strange that many of my most favorite things -- wine, chocolate, lattes, Diet Cokes and Diet Ginger Ale-- no longer appeal to me. Those vices were not the healthiest choices...so I'll take it as a bonus. Well, except for the wine. I miss the evenings of opening a fine bottle of Pinot Noir -- and I am sure that I will find a way to squeeze that back in to my repotoire once this is all over! Afterall, it's no fun to go out for dinner with my husband or the ladies, and watch everyone drink wine while I say, "I'll have some hot tea." Lame. At least I can be a dependable designated driver for the holiday season. And come January, we can go out and celebrate this all being over...and take a cab!
I have impatient tendencies, so it's not ironic that I'm already looking at the finish line when I only have one of four chemo treatments under my belt. As I listened to some great music with my friends the other night, it occured to me that I only have 7 weeks left until chemo is done, and I have been dealing with this recurrence for 4 months. Actually, it's been an exhausting 16 months...so if I only have 7 weeks left, I'll take it. My November and December calendar is filling up with fun dates, holiday celebrations and fun activities. So while I have 7 weeks of crap left, there sure is a lot of fun mixed in there which makes it totally do-able. I say that now. I'm not sure how I'll feel in a little over a week when I'm bald and nauseated and flat out in my bed! Three weeks of yuck. Lots of fun. Yup, I can do this.
So...hair. Time to talk about the hair. Any day now the pixie dust will fall, and Rose will take clippers to my wild wavy almost-bob. It has taken me 11 months to grow 5 inches. (Yes, I got a ruler out and measured it.) I am grateful that it is very thick, and has potential of being beautiful again some day. But man, it's been a long 11 months of hair talk! I was feeling all confident the other day, and thought I would pre-emptively shave my head tonight. But now, as the day as arrived, my hair has yet to shed. I have shaken it and tugged on it and really not much is happening. So perhaps I'll hold on to it just a day or two more. I have promised Rose that I will not go "alley cat" on her again--in other words, I will not pull out my hair this time. That was one of the worst nights of my life last year. So, when the pixie dust starts to fall, I will call Rose and some of my friends who are on stand-by, and get it done. I really can't believe that I had to shave my hair last year. It was hard to cut off 8 12-inch braids, but at least it was donated to Locks of Love. But now, I have to shave it again?! Really?! It's a small price to pay for life I suppose. I'd rather be bald and alive...one step closer to a long, happy cancer-free life.
I am prepared for my bald head. Thanks to my pink ladies, I have new resources to make this phase bald and stylish. While I think I will be a wig fan again this time, I have ordered some beaubeaus from this great site http://www.4women.com. My girlfriend wore these and they are very sassy. I ordered three of them -- including the pink camo workout one. I've already prepared my trainer and some of the people at the gym that I do plan to come in bald. That will be hard for me, but hopefully it will empower me to know I'm doing everything I can to be healthy. And who really cares, anyway. (ha) I also ordered 3 new wigs from http://www.namebrandwigs.com. Last year I spent nearly $500 for each of my wigs. This site has the same name brand wigs (ha) for wholesale prices. Plus, you don't have to go in to creepy wig stores that overcharge you. I ordered a shorter bob, a medium cut, and a long curly style that mirrors what I still consider "my hair" even though it's been 14 months since it's been "my hair."
I've been trying on the scarves and wigs with my kids and husband so they can assimilate to my new look. The kids have really been amazing with it all. When I put on the long, curly wig, O said, "Mommy, you look so beautiful. It's like you cut your hair, and then glued it back on your head. You look like the old Mommy." That just made me smile. Cookie had fun trying on the scarves especially since she's a doo-rag queen after her pirate phase of Halloween. She looked like a mini-me as she put the ginger brown wig over her shiny golden locks. The more we talk about it and play with these new accessories, the more natural and "no big deal" they have been. They are not phased by my scars and seem fully prepared that "Mommy's medicine will make her bald again." I am so blessed to have these two amazing children who have proven to be so resilient. They are truly the best medicine and motivation.
My friends have been so supportive. The other day, two of my girlfriends asked me what I needed. I said, "More than anything I need walking buddies." So they came over and we walked, talked, and laughed for a couple of hours. When we got back to my house, I showed them my scarves. They modeled them for me, complete with my hoops and pink lip gloss. We took photos and they said if we ever go shopping, they'd be happy to wear scarves too so I wouldn't feel alone. It was such a fun morning. The other night, a gaggle of my second cousins came over to visit. They brought delicious pizza and good cheer. One of my cousins is a 30-something triple negative breast cancer survivor, and she has become one of my closest confidants. I brought out the wigs, and we all took turns trying them on. One of my cousins shaved his head down to a cue ball for me. I told him he was nuts! He said that I didn't have a choice in the matter and he didn't want me to be bald alone. How sweet is that? My uncle buzzed his head for me before, and it's just the most thoughtful thing anyone can possibly do. Not to mention that it generates a lot of questions, and I end up on prayer lists across the country! I'll take it!
Well, I'm off to enjoy a beautiful Sunday with my family. I will keep you posted on the hair situation, and promise not to pull it out when it starts to fall. Rose is on high alert standby with her new clippers, and it is my big promise to her -- "No Alley Cat."
Have a Great Day!
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