Gifts...

With less than 5 weeks to go until my last chemo, I find the days flying by. Chemo #2 was another big slam to my body, but I managed to get through it once again. The fatigue, nausea, and awful metallic taste were the toughest part, but I managed to avoid the mouth sores I hear so many complain of. (Thanks, Act! and toothbrushes!) My family and friends continue to swarm me with love and help...they are all truly amazing.

We had an wonderful Thanksgiving with Satchel and her family. I was concerned that because it was on a chemo week, I'd be not feeling well and not able to eat. Thankfully, it was just the opposite! Being surrounded by friends who are family, a house filled with the delicious aroma of tasty Thanksgiving trimmings and the laughter of those you love makes for a great day! Not to mention, the food was delicious and just what I was in the mood to eat. A good time was had by all, and it was a day of Thanksgiving for sure.

After a fun family slumber party, Satchel and I felt the need to hit a few Black Friday sales. Of course, we knew going at 9am would be a sure-fire way to miss all of the deals, but we needed to get in the Christmas spirit so off we went. I even went out in my beaubeau scarf -- the first time I had ever been shopping without a wig. It was really no big deal. We came home with matching "Believe" ornaments, a few laughs, and off my husband, the kids and I went to head home to decorate the outside of our house. (Well, he decorated while I napped!)

The weekend was filled with sparkling lights, long naps, gatherings with old friends, fun play dates, a great visit with Santa, and good family time. Does it get better than that? My energy has come back but my taste buds seem to keep dwindling. I miss drinking wine and lattes. But I suppose not eating a lot of the things that aren't the best for you is probably a blessing in the long run. I wonder if an ice cold fountain Diet Coke will ever taste good to me again?! For now I'll stick with water and an occasional lemonade, and my liver will thank me.

As Monday arrived, I was feeling better and decided it was time to start working out again to undo some of the damage that the week of chemo carb-loading may have done. I'm trying very hard not to pack on weight during this chemo cycle. Most women gain between 20-25 pounds during chemo, and I am trying my best to not let that happen.

I put on my gym clothes, my "Cancer Sucks" socks, my silver hoops and my pink lipstick. I had my pink and black camo beaubeau scarf on and my wig in hand as I got the kids ready for school. As I was about to put my wig on, Cookie said, "Wear your scarf, Mommy." And I looked at O and said, "Do you want me to wear my wig or my scarf to the bus stop?" He said, "I like the scarf, Mommy." So off we went to the bus stop and preschool sans wig. It may sound like no big deal, but for me, it was. Turns out, it was no big deal, and my friends and the people around me were very supportive and complimentary. I had a great workout at the gym, and was glad to get over the hump of going to the gym with just a scarf on. It felt great to sweat. I'm still a wig girl for the most part when I'm out and about, but am really thankful for these beaubeau scarves -- they are so comfortable and as stylish as a scarf covering a bald head can be. Sid and I had a great 5 mile walk yesterday, which was good for the body and good for the soul. Long walks are the perfect way to catch up with my friends and be healthy. While I have some energy and time off, I'm working hard to exercise, get ready for the holidays, and rest every day while the kids are in school, and play when they get home.

As the hustle and bustle of the holiday is in full swing, I am trying to savor the magic of the season, and not let stress or holiday to-dos blur the spirit and true meaning of the season. There are a few gifts I want more than anything, and none of them can be purchased at the store. They are priceless gifts of living a long, cancer-free life, watching my children grow up, growing old with my husband, good health and happiness for my loved ones, and sharing precious moments with my family and friends.

All of this is good and true, but I'd be lying if I didn't say out loud that I'm sick of this all. I'm over it. I want to be done. I want my life back. I want my body back. I want my hair back. I want my mind back. I know in my heart that January 5, 2010 will be my New Year celebration, and the start of a new chapter. Santa can't bring any of those gifts on his sleigh...but I know who can. And every night before I go to bed, I remind Him of my wish list. I know He's listening...