Another New Chapter...

What a week!

Several months ago, Satchel, Mel and I bought tickets to see Eddie from Ohio at the Birchmere. We didn't realize at the time that it would be a perfectly timed night out! Sunday evening, before my first day back at work, the three of us headed to The Birchmere for a "folkin' good time!" I have been listening to Eddie from Ohio for over 18 years now. And the lead singer is a breast cancer survivor, and the writer and singer of my motivational anthem "Great Day." If you haven't heard of them, you should check them out.

We had a fun night filled with cold Blue Moons, delicious bar food, great music, amazing friends, and of course the random Suzy SweetPotato who had to share our table at the last minute. Thank goodness for iPhones and text messages. (ha) I can't wait to do it again next January! (Thanks S and M...you guys are the best!)

Monday morning I headed back to work. I had worked intermittenly since my diagnosis in January, but the last five weeks I took off to get through the holidays and complete chemo. I coulda/shoulda stayed out longer, but I was starting to think about all I had to do at work, and the time seemed right to head back. I thought I'd ease back in to it, but it was no surprise that within a day I was drinking from a fire hose. My neighbor teased me that I looked stressed about not stressing about stress. Ha! The good news is that I am fortunate to work from home most days. I'm trying to take each day as they come, and get through it without stress. That is a little tough for a type A like myself. But I'm doing the best I can, and really working at it.

Yesterday, I had my chemo closeout appointment with my oncologist. As I sat in the CW waiting room, I could not wait to get in and out and outta there. I am very thankful that CW and all of the smart docs and nurses have helped me beat cancer twice in the last 18 months. But, it's a place I don't want to visit again. I will go in for check ups every 3-6 months, and it's comforting to know that they will stay on top of me for the next few years...and then yearly for the rest of my life. It kind of sucks that I will technically be a cancer patient for the rest of my life. I love my oncologist, and if she weren't my doctor, I'm pretty sure we'd get along great as friends. She's one of the top breast cancer oncologists, and I trust her gut. She thinks I'm good now, and seems to think that in 10 years we'll be talking about "cute shoes and kids." Sounds good to me! She said, "I think you are going to be OK. And I don't get to say that to a lot of my patients." As nice as she is, she is not a hugger, and she is a tough cookie. So if she's optimistic, I know she is not blowing sunshine up my ... well you know. I asked about my port, and she said, "Get it removed...you don't need it anymore." Woot! If she thought I'd need more chemo any time soon, I'm sure she'd have said, "Well, let's keep it in for a year or two." But if she thinks I don't need it, then ciao, port. I am going to see if my plastic surgeon can help with the removal, because while the docs at Interventional Radiology are very nice and skilled, they are not very precise at closing the incision. Perhaps I've now become a sutcher snob, seeing the amazing work of my breast cancer surgeon and plastic surgeon. Either way, I'll be glad to get the port out.

I'm off to walk with one of my Bosom Buddies. We were supposed to meet for coffee talk, but turned it in to a coffee walk. I met her through my girlfriends who asked me to talk to her after she was diagnosed last summer. We hit it off right off the bat, and she did great through her treatments. Then, after I was diagnosed again, we ended up going through treatments together. She is a wonderful friend and I have a feeling we'll be friends for a long, long time. I have a huge network of support from my family and friends, and I am so thankful for being so blessed. And, through this journey, I have met (way too many) young women who have been through a similar journey. I am so thankful for their friendships. I don't know what happens in their life on a daily basis, but anytime a fleeting thought going through our heads, we are all an email, text, phone call or coffee date away. It's amazing how you can talk about (and show) the most personal things ever to a stranger...because they are not a stranger, they are earth angels, put in our lives divinely to get us through all of this. And together, we find strength in numbers. To all of my pink earth angels...and you know who you are...I love you!

It's been good to get back in to working out. My toenails have been destroyed by the chemo and they hurt. Strange, I know. As if there weren't a laundry list of things to fix! I guess it's time for a podiatrist. Ick. I have an adversion to feet anyway, and this is just makes it worse. It's so bothersome I can't even write about it. I need to change the subject.

My girlfriend just turned forty this week, and I can't wait to celebrate with her and her family in a couple of weeks when they come down to visit. When I asked her what she was doing for her birthday, she said, "Nothing big, just a hair cut. And, I might even get my nails done too." All I could think was how heavenly that sounded. When I turn 40 in 2.5 years, my prayer is that I will be cancer free, have my long hair, a fit body, and good nails. And I will celebrate with a workout, a hair cut, a mani/pedi, and some fun with those I love! Seems like a good goal.

Last year when I was done with treatments, I never really had peace that I could turn the page and start a new chapter...even though I really really tried. This time, I have peace in my heart, and an outlook on life that comes with going through a year and a half of hell. It is sometimes hard to draw a line in the sand and say, "OK, ready for a new beginning" because things have happened, and as much as you want them to go away, they won't. Everything I've been through can't be erased or forgotten. Rather, it will be a part of the fabric of my life. And that just makes the fabric a little more detailed...a lot stronger...beautiful...and appreciated. Life isn't perfect, but it's great to be alive.

I have been trying my best to live for the now. Don't dwell on the past. Don't stress about the future. Appreciate all I've experienced, and embrace the scars and flaws, because those are badges of courage. Embrace the moment, and appreciate each day as a gift. And every day here on earth with my husband, kids, family, and friends is a Great Day. I really can't express how much my husband, kids, family and friends have done for me. It's been a long road for all of us, and I love and appreciate them more and more each day. I'm ready to focus on new things...which is hopefully lots of joy and happy times for each and every one of us. We all deserve some big smiles and good times! If I haven't said it enough, thank you. You know who you are, and you know how much I love you.

As my friend told me last year, cancer is a part of my story. It's not my entire story. It is a chapter somewhere in the middle. I'm ready for a new chapter! A whole new year awaits. Hallelujah! Thanks be to God...